In news that is likely to bring joy to gaming fans and breakfast enthusiasts the world over, the infamous Xbox Series S toaster of rumour and legend has been spotted for sale at Walmart, causing those of you desperate for more gaming themed accessories in your home to rejoice in the streets. Ok, not really. But look, it toasts an Xbox logo into the bread!
Digging down into the listing, the specs sheet reveals itself to be as impressive as it is comprehensive. Featuring an LED digital countdown timer, 6 levels of toast-browning adjustment, an automatic shut off function, removable crumb tray and an “extra long slot”, this toaster really has it all. However, these pale in comparison to my favourite feature, the “auto centering guide”, presumably a function to allow you to line up the logo imprinting feature and not a helpful guide for those of you struggling to get bread into a toaster in general.
The product detail sheet is full of little gems, opening with the line “Achievement Unlocked: Optimal Carb Experience” and only getting worse/better from there, including a suggestion to “keep a list of everyone’s settings” amongst your family or co-inhabitants so you might “score the group a breakfast bonus”.
Assuming they’ll let you continue to live with them after such a suggestion, you can show off the no-burn outer surface complete with that iconic Xbox Series S circular grill, or perhaps even save yourself from a breakfast-induced jump scare by way of that countdown timer.
It really is a toaster for the modern gamer, and we can only be thankful that it has made the leap from whispered rumour and fevered speculation into a genuinely purchasable product you could put in your kitchen right now.
I’d even go as far as to suggest that the design is subtle enough that non-gamers may not recognise anything out of the ordinary, meaning that you could sneak one into your regular morning routine with your other household residents remaining none the wiser.
Great design is timeless they say, and somehow that clean white box and its circular grill looks more fitting on a breakfast appliance than it does on a gaming console, which is something Microsoft’s engineers might not be entirely happy with. Still, as gaming tie-ins go it’s a good ‘un, and given our recent coverage of tea-themed gaming controllers we can only hope this is merely the latest in a long line of breakfast themed accessories.
Razer did get there first with its own toaster, but if you ask me, it’s time for GPU manufacturers to step up to the plate. Those big three-fan coolers are just asking for some sort of bacon-grilling slot, and the day I make my morning coffee in an RTX 4090 shaped kettle, well, that’ll be the day I can die a happy man.