Forget the Dark Urge: if you want to feel like a monster in Baldur’s Gate 3, it has over an hour of different gut wrenching breakup conversations

“I thought I knew every type of hurt there was. I didn’t know anything, did I?” Jesus, Karlach, I’m sorry, I didn’t even get this dialogue in my game and I still feel bad. Baldur’s Gate 3 is a big game with tons of world state variations and a veritable smörgåsbord of romanceable companions⁠—it makes sense that there’s a lot of different breakup scenes.

RPG-focused YouTuber DanaDuchy has collected most of Baldur’s Gate 3’s different breakup and love triangle reactions from companions (with the notable exclusion of bear Druid Halsin) and laid them end-to-end, resulting in about 55 minutes of heartbreak only occasionally broken up by sick burns from resident hardasses Lae’zel and Minthara.

“You’re the author of your own story,” assures Wyll after you’ve just torn his heart in two. “I wish I got to play a bigger role in it.” God damn man, I’m sorry I poked fun at your silly little ballroom dance, it’s actually very charming, please don’t be sad.

“Take it from someone with experience⁠—hearts are built to break,” asserts vampire heartthrob Astarion. “They do it over the smallest things,” he quietly adds. Astarion, I’m sorry if I broke your heart by leaving you at camp too often because you disapprove of everything and my main character already knew how to pick locks.

Gale “of Waterdeep” Dekarios has a particularly megaton bummer of a breakup speech if you decide to treat his heart like a plaything and toss it out the window when you’re done: “Perhaps I should have done more. Been more charming, more flattering, harder to reach… but I was only myself, and sometimes that isn’t enough.”

I think I will endeavor to never see any of these scenes when I’m playing Baldur’s Gate 3 (I’m a soft touch), but I absolutely love that they’re part of the game. This is the necessary friction, the other side to its open-ended romantic possibilities: having to deal with these characters’ feelings and hurts in what might otherwise be a solipsistic power fantasy. If you find yourself unmoved by such things, I have some choice words from one of Gale’s other potential break-up conversations: “Ooft, you are a very Cone of Cold.”

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