Valheim player keeps building Dollar Generals despite friend begging them to stop: ‘I do not want to play Valheim with Greg anymore’

You don’t need PvP enabled to wage a war against your friends on the fields of Valheim. You just need the right mindset and the eyes to see what every Valheim server lacks, but desperately needs.

X user Greg The Sorcerer isn’t a menace: they’re a visionary, an architect deeply dedicated to the bit. And that bit is building Dollar Generals where nobody wanted them and refusing to apologize for it.

It all started with a simple screenshot of a lone Dollar General, constructed using the rudimentary tools of Valheim. “Pissing off my friends in Valheim by building Dollar Generals,” Greg announced in the post. “Complete with obnoxious fluorescent lighting,” they added with an image of their character standing in an aisle lit by an inexplicable (at least to Vikings) heavenly glow.

With a last ominous reply to the thread, Greg added: “It’s plural because I intend to make more.”

“WTF IS A DOLLAR GENERAL? WHY IS IT IN MY VALHEIM SERVER?” Paladin Posting, another X user and the first unwilling victim of Greg’s crimes, posted the next day.

“OK this is just absurd,” Woman Mage, another victim of the Dollar General Bandit said around the same time with their own screenshot of the building.

A few hours passed before Paladin Posting returned with a new Dollar General in a different location, yet another gift from their buddy Greg. “THERE’S ANOTHER FUCKING DOLLAR GENERAL.”

If only they had seen what Greg had posted just a few hours before. “This looks like the perfect spot for another Dollar General,” Greg wrote of a stretch of grassland untouched by the majesty of a discount store where you can pile items into a shopping cart for less than $30. Minutes later Greg worked their magic, and even attached a spacious parking lot out front: “That’s much better.”

“I DO NOT WANT TO PLAY VALHEIM WITH GREG ANYMORE,” Paladin Posting wrote while attaching a screenshot of a gigantic tears of joy emoji sign on their server—presumably built by Greg, reflecting the face they make while watching their friends suffer from the proliferation of 21st century capitalism. Paladin Posting said they destroyed the emoji in a reply, but they did not mention anything about destroying Greg’s computer.

I have to imagine they now regret this oversight, because the next day Greg escalated things by building a Waffle House in the middle of a swamp, open for business despite the circumstances (which is true to life, considering Waffle House rarely closes even for hurricanes).

“The inhabitants of this place may be long dead but the Waffle House still stands strong,” Greg wrote.

“HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING? WHAT THE FUCK IS A WAFFLE HOUSE?” Paladin Posting cried once they found it. At first glance the place looks completely empty, but a follow-up post shows that Greg did employ a single skeleton (also true to life). However, skeletons cannot take orders, nor do they know what waffles are, which is probably why Paladin Posting described the service there as “shit” (once again, Waffle House patrons will find this chillingly accurate).

Greg hasn’t posted since the Waffle House incident, but I do believe they will strike again. Until someone bans them from the server, their hijinks will continue. And they might even get worse. As far as I can tell, Valheim has no Spirit Halloweens, and there is only one player with the courage to change that.